Tuesday, September 29, 2009

That doesnt make me a shallow person ... does it?

Quick - name that song/quote (no fair Wendy as you hooked me on to him...)

My life has been focused lately around so many every day activities that it has me wondering if I have lost all capacity for critical self reflection and if I am becoming a shallow person. What's driving this? A couple unrelated and minor situations that stick out and are causing me to wonder if I am a shallow person...

~ article/editorial about moving from early adulthood into middle age and how you seem to lose interest (or maybe you dont have time) in navel gazing & self absorbtion (I mean reflection)
~ the Beatles song "Let it Be"
~ watching my kids dance, sing, play & with total abandon

I remember being VERY passionate about a variety of subjects in high school, college and my 20's. I could argue ad naseum about politics, world events, religion, human rights, anything, you name it. I had an opinion. When did I stop caring/arguing? (now some of you will say I havent, but keep reading)...

Really, now I find these discussion really base and silly and not worth my time. I'd much rather talk about my kids or your really cool vacation, or if Brad and Angelina have really broke up (again). Really. I am becoming a People magazine addict. I love spy novels and have given up ever making it through Ayn Rand (and then having a deep conversation about the symbolism in the book). I am happy to chat about good food, where did you get that cute outfit, how is your family doing and which hair color would look best with my eyebrows. Some of you will think this is totally shallow and you may be right. But, here's where I am coming from (see triangulation above...)

Per the editorial, I think I spent MUCH of my earlier adulthood figuring out who I was, talking about it, testing it out, feeling its limits, getting comfortable in my skin. I think I am "there" now. I know who I am, what I stand for and what I want. I dont need to debate it anymore. I dont need to convince anyone else. I am heading down that path and pretty darn happy about it. (and I invite you all along for the ride!)

The Beatles song "Let it Be" is SUCH a mantra for my life right now - it strikes me as extremely relevant and spiritual in 2 ways. You can interpret it as "Let it Be!" like "let is go" "drop it" "give it up" "give!" (when talking to the dog) - you know, "get over yourself" OR, it can open up a universe of possibilties that you never thought existed like "let it BE", "create your own reality" "power of positive thinking" "ask and you shall recieve" "cocreate your own consciousness"- do you feel the power in that?! In both? Let it go and let it come. Let it BE!

Finally, my kids are totally themselves, all the time. They dance when they feel like it, they sing (probalby off key but how would I know) they cry and laugh and talk and giggle and wiggle and cuddle and hug and love ... all when they feel like it and in fact THE INSTANT they feel like it. They dont spend timing wondering and thinking and arguing and reflecting. They dont try to change other people to fit their needs. They express them (often very loudy) and react accordingly. I dont think of them as shallow, just really really connected.

So, no, I dont think I am shallow. And, no, I havent stopped caring about things that matter. I still want cancer/disease to 'go away', hunger to be non-existent, every child to have a loving/safe home, every person to know their personal worth and value AND to look good in my swimsuit for vacation. But, I'm not going to argue/philosophize/dissect it anymore. I am going to do what I can to change it in my world, with the people I touch and insure that my kids/friends/family know that they are loved & supported. I wont do it perfectly and I'll screw up some days and sometimes I'll need others to remind me that I am who I am. But ... that doesnt make me a shallow person, does it?! :)

Call me a slow learner, but wouldnt this have been great to know 25 years ago? Think of all the back issues of People magazine that I could have read in all that spare time:)