Kay,
I hope you find this letter and it will help you understand this point in time and my love for you.
I love you. More importantly, I believe in you. And, while you might fight it, I SEE you.
I see you. I see the smart, sassy, fierce, street smart, kind, funny, generous, creative, strong, talented person that is the essence of you. The person who is deeply confident in their own abilities, calls out injustice, comforts friends, loves to make things and see the world through an artists eye.
Right now, the behaviors, decisions and situations you are in do NOT define you. I am sure they are confusing and cause you anger, sadness, frustration and even desperation. And, I know they make you question your own worth, who you are and where you fit in. But...The are NOT you. Not the real you.
You are angry at me and think I am trying to change you. I'm not. That is the very LAST thing I want to do.
I'm trying to give you the tools and resources to CONNECT with yourself. To understand yourself. To find a path that will lead you to happiness and a true understanding and appreciation for how amazing you are.
All the doctors appointments, therapists, chemical education, meds and even energy clearing are ALL an effort to help you learn more about yourself. Your wiring, your emotions, your strengths, your dislikes, your talents, your decision making process, your love of risk...all the things that make you uniquely you.
You may not use them now or in 5 years or even 10 years but...you will rediscover them and use them some day.
This arsenal is my gift to you. A set of tools that you can use to find and fight for yourself and the life you want to have/build.
In the meantime, it may not look like I am on your side or maybe it even looks like I'm getting in your way. Just know, you have a lifetime of decisions in front of you. I can't make them for you. Nor can I influence the timing of your life. All I can do it love you, see you and build you an arsenal that will let you conquer the world.
LOVE...beyond measure,
Mom.
