Billy Baloo - 14 yrs old!

 

Happiest of birthdays Billy! Wow, I cant believe you are 14 years old!  The time is just flying by and its so fun to see your personality continue to develop and your interests expand. You are still a deep thinker and man of few words and we are so so so glad you are part of our family.

 

When we celebrated last night every said 2 good things about you and they were dead on...

Smart, kind, funny, calm, loves animals, caring, a good friend, curious ....

 

I would also add that you …

• love to know how things work
• enjoy music (you really like the 2nd seat in violin and I caught you playing guitar for fun the other night)
• really enjoy your ALM class (a class where its self directed learning and you get to "make" stuff)
• are a big reader, I love that you always are reading at least 1 book
• and are a gamer, you play online with friends and they all seem to games where there is a puzzle to be solved
• are patient
• see the big picture and don't let too many things bother you
• are having growing pains (hoping this is the big growth spurt!)
• are about to turn into a full fledge teenager, I just got my 1st eye roll and getting you to take off your headphones to actually talk to me is a miracle some days

We are so very lucky and blessed that your birth parents and foster parents were loving and had your best interests in mind.  We hope we are living up to their expectations and we KNOW that they'd be proud of you.  You are an amazing human being. 

 

We love you.



 

 

 

You LOVE to dig holes in the sand and can do that for hours (still!)

The 3 musketeers  - you are all such amazing friends and amazing athletes

You are so tough too! Smiling through the 1st bloody nose in sparring at the US Open this year

And smart! You regularly beat Tom and Jimmy at chess (I suspect that's because you actually play with a bit of strategy and they both play with gut instinct)

And funny - you aren't afraid to laugh at yourself too, this  trait will serve you well your whole life. 

The Gotcha Day that never was....

Kay, damn we've had a hard time celebrating your special day this year!
It was right after Thanksgiving while Daddy was on a pheasant hunting trip. We tried to celebrate when he got home that night but you were zonked out in bed. Then we tried the next night but you went out for treats with your team after practice, came home and went straight to bed (and fell sound asleep). Finally, on Friday we told you to "wait up" for us. Billy had taekwondo and Jimmy's jazz band was playing at the Depot.  You managed to stay up for us but when we tried to celebrate, you shrugged, headed to your room and fell asleep (I will say, you've gotten more sleep this week than you have had in years and I think thats really good but ... are you about to hit another growth spurt or something?!)

You did manage to eat the pie we got for breakfast and maybe we'll attempt to celebrate again during Sunday supper.

But, whether we actually get to celebrate with you or not, we can still celebrate YOU!

You are funny, clever, strong, determined, single minded, confident, gorgeous, a good friend and extremely creative.  We can not imagine our lives without you. When are you are in a good mood, there is honestly no one more fun in the whole world.  I love the friendship that is starting to form with your brothers and I'm excited to see what live has in store for you.  Whatever you put your mind to, I have no doubt that you'll succeed.

We can also be so grateful for your birth family and foster family.  I am sure that they think of you every day and wish that they could see the fierce woman you are turning into.

Kay, I love you.  Even saying that doesnt seem like a good enough description of how I feel. You are my heart. I wish for you a brilliant future and the determination to make it happen for yourself.

Love Mom (& Dad!)

The cousins! Jimmy, Kara, Joey, Lola, Astrid, Georgia, you, Rece and Herbie. Billy is missing ;(

Remember that one time you treated me to a spa day?

Zombie bride

Gorgeous

The best fisher person ever.

Ice fishing with Dad and out fishing all off us

15th bday glamping party

Our 1st photo of you 

Those cheeks!

St Pats pyramid

You have always baited, caught and cleaned your own fish

Korean squat while opening bday gifts

Beach horseback riding in costa rica 

Billy is kicking butt and taking names

The taekwondo season officially started in September with the Kicks for Cancer event and Tournament of Champions meet.  Then we had a quite weekend trip to Chicago for tournament, Olympic Sparring camp in Orlando and the South Dakota Invitational in Sioux Falls. We have been busy!!

This is Billy's last year as a cadet (age 12-14) and he's (finally) growing! (we bought him new pants in September that are already too short).  Everyone is noticing his voice has changed and he's getting a little surly around the edges (wears headphones all the time, hates to shower, drinking a gallon of chocolate milk a day ...you know ... the typical teenage boy stuff)  He's now 99 lbs and just cleared 5 ft tall. You go Billy!

This is all great news because next year he'll compete in juniors (15-17) and he needs all the momentum he can get!  (you compete in the age group that you'll be in by 12/31 of that year. Sort of a drag for Billy since he's a mid December birthday)

His fighting continues to be strategic and intentional and could use a bit more aggression. His pomsea (forms) is precise and controlled.  He consistently takes a place and is good about learning from his mistakes and losses. He loves his teammates and they have a ton of fun.

We'll let the photos and videos speak for themselves....

We love you Billy, continue to do what you love!! We love you!!

Tournament of Champions 1
Golden Point - 1st person to score within 1 minute wins - Billy lost in the last 2 seconds
Sioux Falls Pomsea 
Sioux Falls Sparring 1
Sioux Falls Sparring 2
Chicago Pomsea

Chilling and doing homework in Orlando

Tournament of Champions silver 

Ashley and Billy both take 2nd in Chicago

No one else showed up for awards so ... why NOT stand on the 1st place block?!

Getting some kicks in with Coach Moreno in Orlando

Peak Orlando Camp

The 3 stooges lunch in Orlando

Reliving his childhood, Carrabarra for dinner the night before Sea World

Peak camp is tiring

Sea World!!  Another reliving of childhood

Luckily it was warm enough to get wet

Drenched

Sharks head

Very loud and assertive sea lions

He was so bummed that he couldn't ride the mini Shamu ride over and over and over and over like he did when he was 5

Inside the aquarium

Isaac and Billy were roomies for South Dakota

Gold in pomsea in SD

The team for SD

3rd in sporting SD - these were tough matches

Gold and Bronze in SD

Relaxing post SC fights and pre-reunion dinner

Reunion!! Ian, Grace and Billy - They had an amazing time hanging out, playing cards and video games post Billys tournament in SD

Brock is just plain awesome - he'll be a black belt one day

Yep, Billy went as a box for Halloween. He made it himself....

Football 2018 in Review

Starting in February Jimmy began one on one trying at The Base Sports Performance Center.

Monday-Friday 2 hours a day strength and condition and speed and agility, intense football focused work out, he never missed a day for 4 months. He started the summer football camp circuit at 6.2 and 215lbs.

There were several camps including the Team USA, Sound Mind and Sound Body, 2 Gophers, the Badgers, and Bemidji State rounded off the camps. They were all fun, focused and all about recruiting. Jimmy's take away from the camps was that he must have been doing pretty good if each coach he worked with wanted to follow Jimmy on Twitter .

Team summer practice was run mostly by the Captains/ Seniors with the coach only being able to attend a certain number of days, and of course Jimmy was the first one there and the last one to leave, every single day. The team then ended the summer preseason with a trip to South Dakota for a weekend football camp. Hopkins has never done well in these camps and historically finishes in last place. There are usually 5 or 6 teams that go through a series of drills, skills and games. This year Hopkins came in first! Jimmy and the team were beyond excited.

Two a days began the second week of August. Jimmy was practicing on both sides of the ball. On offense he was in the tight end spot and slot receiver and on defense left end and outside linebacker. Needless to say he was having a ball. Then in the last week of practice he got his finger caught in a kids shoulder pad and broke his finger. He was in a cast for two weeks and was cleared to play with a cast. Once we got through that same set back he was good to go and go he did.

The games were all somewhat the same meaning...the team that made the least mistakes won. Jimmy has several catches for big yards and first downs and blocked for just about everyone.

He was very focussed and involved in each game. He led the team onto the field, he ran to the crowd to get them into the game and stood first in line at each and every game, home and away and sang the Star Spangled Banner, every time.

The best part for us as parents is that he still has to come home from the game win or loose and explain the entire game to us, he can't go to bed with the debriefing, it is awesome.  He continues to be extremely passionate about football but at least we can get him out of the car when they lose (vs in 4th grade when he'd cry in the car for hours).

Melanie (girlfriend) would come to many of the games and cheer on Jimmy - they are pretty cute.

So what's next, College visits. So far the University of South Dakota (SDSU) invited Jimmy out for a game day experience. We toured the new stadium, practice facilities and were on the field before the game. The school had all his films and stats and even had him take a picture in a JackRabbits jersey that just happened to be the same number he wore at Hopkins, coincidence, I think not! We have heard back from St. Thomas, St Johns and are waiting a a few others. He's sent his info to Drake, Baylor, Davidson and the University of Dayton. He's looking for a school where he can play football, study political science and jazz. This spring will be busy. Currently he is focussing on weight training and studying for the ACT.
We are proud of him and his accomplishments this Junior year!  He's definitely got goals and is focused. He's got the world by the tail right now;)
More to come....

..

Dear Kay

Kay,
I have no idea how to start this letter to you and I have debated how to give it you.  Do I hand it to you, sneak in one of your school books, write it and put it in a drawer for later, write it and hide it in my closet?  However, I realized, since this letter is more for me than it is for you and ... while I hope you do read it someday ... I have to just put it out there. Whether anyone stumbles across it and reads it is not really the point. The point is that I get all these thoughts and feelings out of my head and heart and into the universe. (and I'm purposely using this blog because almost no one ever reads it)

We are going through a tough time. You say that I don't understand and you are right. I don't understand what it feels like to be you.  To be gorgeous, clever, cheeky, curious, independent, athletic, funny, 5'1", 105 lbs, Korean, adopted, an only girl among brothers, the middle child, anxious, a perfectionist, creative, hard on yourself, stubborn, maddening, exhausting, manipulative, loyal, social... there is so much I don't understand and never can.  Because, I'm not you.  No one is and thats magical. You are so uniquely and wonderfully you.- all the good and all the challenging bits.  I love you so much it makes my bones hurt.  (I know you hate it when I tell you I love you but ... it's the truth - my truth).

And, it's slowly killing me to watch you going through this tough time.  Some days you are the most delightful person to be around and other days (most days) your anxiety causes you to lash out, fight, procrastinate, get in your own way, say hurtful things and (sometimes) fail.   My head tells me that this is your way of protecting yourself and working through your feelings and emotions. My heart, however, slowly crumbles. And, on bad days, my 15 yr old self lashes right back out at you.

I am a fixer, a doer. I want to help. I want to make it all go away. I want to find a way to make it better, to help you see that this is just a moment in time and it'll all get better.

I wish I could take all the hard things I've been through in my life, box them up and give them to you to examine, to pick through, to learn from and that they would (magically) make it easier for you.  That you'd learn from what I learned and wouldn't need to go through all the terrible feelings and experiences that I have.

But, then I realize, I wouldn't be who I am today without those experiences and I have no right to take away your experiences and learnings. One day you'll have your own box that will make you who you will become.  It will be ugly and heavy and precious. It will be your scars and your triumph.  It will be beautiful and sacred because its all and only yours.

And, here's the hard part and the part that's truly about me.  As much as I am a doer, a planner, a fixer and want to  have some semblance of control, that is NOT going to work here.  I'm struggling. There is no way to plan for someone you love to go through a hard time. There is no way to get ready to watch you struggle.  Every time I see you in pain (which seems like every day right now) a bit of my heart breaks off. I know that I cause you stress and anxiety, just by existing. Just by living in the same house, just by being me.   I constantly wonder - am I doing enough? am I doing too much? is there something else I could try? is there someone who has a magic solution?  who can tell me (with certainty) that you'll be ok? that we'll be ok? I'm in an impossible situation.

How do I let go without you thinking I've given up on you? I'll never give up on you.  I have to figure out a way to honor where we are at, tears and laughter, without putting any expectations on what I can or can't do.  This goes against my very nature and it the hardest thing I've ever done.  Some days, I'm not doing it well at all.  Some days I'm exhausted. Some days I see a glimmer of hope.   Most days I have to remind myself to just trust and feel it and take one more step forward.

Ultimately, my wish for you is simple. That you learn that it's ok to ask for help.  It took me WAY to long to learn that lesson and I'm still not good at it so...I don't blame you for not wanting my help in this area but .... I promise, asking for help is not failure or weak or humiliating.  Asking for help is one of the most authentic and life affirming things you can do for yourself but also for the person that helps you.  Think about how good it feels to help someone else.  It's a gift.  I hope you learn this lesson much earlier than I did.

I love you.  Always.
Mom

I had the unusual opportunity to go to Alaska for 5 days earlier in October.  It really was for work but it was the craziest situation. I had posted an idea on a national disability discussion board and literally got NO feedback on my idea. Expect from Lizette.  She does disability work in Alaska and wrote back "this is a great idea - you should come to our Catalyst event in early October".  I did a bit of research, assuming that I'd never be able to afford it but ... not so! The tickets were only $400 and when I told her I was seriously considering coming, she got me into the event for free. Yeah!!  (Turns out there is a reason that Alaska in October is a great deal. Everything is shut down.  Summer season is over and winter season hasn't started so many of the tour companies take vacation.)

Considering that its a big trip, I headed up a few days early to acclimate and see a bit of Alaska.  I was dead set on taking a train so that I could really enjoy the scenery but ... all the trains were shut down for the season.  So, instead of heading south to the peninsula (where all the cruise ships go), I decided to head north towards Denali. 

Its a 5 1/2 hour flight and I was gifted with a middle seat. The guy next to me literally slept the whole way (I even checked to see if he was breathing at one point) so I got caught up on movies Hidden Figures and Oceans 8, two great women power movies.

 After a late arrival, I got up the next day and took the train up to Talkeetna.   Talkeetna is a quirky weird little town at the base of Denali.  In fact, the TV show Northern Exposure is based on this town and I'd say that it was a fairly accurate description of the town.  Almost anyone that wants to climb Denali comes through this town to get organized.  They have a rich artist community, a micro brew (Denali Brew Company) and a long history of frontier adventures and myths (brothels, railroad work, gold mining, etc).  Its located at the juncture of 3 rivers so there is a ton of fishing and hunting as well.

The ride up was wet and rainy but very pretty views. Most of the trees are birch or black spruce and it reminded me of northern MN. When I arrived I quickly made friends with the people at the hotel I was staying at and got some good advice for my 2 days.  Dog sled training run, museum, hikes, Bean-a-fit, art show and ... a local open mic comedy hour.  It was looking to be a good 2 days!

It also turned into a very small world visit. Almost everyone I met was from MN, WI or MI.  One of the guys ex-wife lives in MPLS and his kids go to SouthWest.  One woman was from Mankato. The bike shop guy coaches the Alexandria Hight School Mountain Bike Team.  The 2 couples I walked home with on Saturday night were from Dodgeville.  The woman who picked me up for my dog sled ride went to Hope College in Michigan. It was surreal!  So many connections!

Sunday was a much sunnier day and the train ride was gorgeous.  Only 30% of the visitors actually get to see Denali so we were certainly blessed.  I arrived back in Anchorage with time for a late dinner.  The next morning I had time for a hike on one of the many bike paths that runs through the city and was rested and ready for my conference.

The conference was great, everything I expected. We used Human Design Thinking tools and really talked about the future of disability services.  The people were smart, from a variety of backgrounds and really open to new ideas.

I flew home on the red eye and really did manage to sleep the whole way.  (another middle seat)

All in all, it was the perfect little trip to Alaska - I'm definitely going back!!

Sunrise is 8:30am so it was pitch dark when we left Anchorage at 8:05am.

The view out the train window.

The train was fun and all the people working were super informative

More views

Black spruce

Rivers everywhere!

My town for 2 days - Talkeetna!

They converted the old airplane hanger into a small theater - thats where I saw open mic comedy night - the jokes focused on dating in Talkeetna, breaking up in Talkeetna and tourists. I felt a bit conspicuous. 

The MN High School State Champ Trophy from 2017

I LOVE walking through cemeteries, especially on vacation

They had a section for all the climbers that died on Denali. Including these Korean climbers

The cemetery is as quirky as the town

All the climbers who have passed

A copy of the newspaper article on the Korean climbers

Where the 3 rivers meet

My hotel - fancy ;)

At the local bar/grill/liquor store/market/VFW - The West Rib. seriously, I dont know how you eat this without getting sick.  My bartender turned out to be Heather, who was taking me dog sledding the next day so she introduced me to everyone at the bar.  Most of whom then were either in the open mic show or working at the open mic show. This is a very very small town.

Sunrise on Sunday morning 9am

On my walk Sunday

Dew and reflections

Heather has done the Iditarod 4 times and has a dog sled team of 20 dogs. She answered every single one of my questions and it was so cool to get an insider view of this sport.

She's famous!

She trains the dogs in the off season by having them pull this 4 wheeler, it was my seat for the training ride

When she gets out the harnesses the dogs go bat shit crazy. they all want to run

Lassie reminded me of Nikki

They can hardly stand it, they are so excited to run

Almost ready

Post training water break.

Her sled

2 of these dogs are still around and retired. Her dogs can live to be 17 and can race until about 13.  Her current favorite, Eddie, is deaf, 17 and the father of 5 of her other dogs that are all 13.

There it is! Denali!!

Again - on the way down the other mountain after our training ride

The signature Roesti - so so good but I couldn't eat any more. I had a 1/2 order and my plate was overflowing

It tastes way better than it sounds.

Denali from the town

Another view of the range

Yep

From the train

Dusk and train ride back

My morning hike on the Chester Creek Trail in Anchorage

My conference, note the mountains out the window. 

This place is closing and is a landmark. Reminded me of Captains Steak Joint. and seriously - another MN connection?!

My view from the window at our conference