When social media and blogs were just starting to be a "thing" we would joke, is this blogable? For the most part, good news was, bad news wasn't. Unfortunately, this is now the way of our world but, its not the truth. Life is tough, comes in waves and often downright sucks.
This is our unblogable update on our life, mainly our life with Kay.
As you can see from some previous posts, things have been tough for Kay the last few years...diagnosis of anxiety, ADHD, lack of interest in school, multiple attempts at passing her drivers test (despite being a good driver!), dropping self esteems and outbursts that are hard to predict.
She is also... creative, capable, funny, fierce, compassionate, kind and determined. Not to mention, loved beyond measure.
We have sought help, both for ourselves in order to be better parents for her, but also for her to help her find her way. We've had hit or miss success.
Good news, she's incredibly talented, kind to her friends, generous to a fault, wonderful with the kids she works with and a harder worker at the golf course. Plus, she's smart and has a unique and funny outlook on the world.
The Bad news, its not clear if she'll actually graduate high school this year, she got a 106 mile an hour speeding ticket and we are worried she'll lose her license, she stays out super late every night and she smokes/vapes (a lot).
*The pressure of all of this also led her to decide to quit gymnastics. Unfortunately she felt it was her only option as her coaches weren't supporting her mental health when she said she wanted to slow down. She was captain and on the day she quit was named All Conference.
The last 2 weeks have been brutal, for her and for us. Her vaping lead to a condition known as Cannabinoid Hyeremesis Syndrome. https://www.cedars-sinai.org/health-library/diseases-and-conditions/c/cannabinoid-hyperemesis-syndrome.html. We aren't sure why it impacted her so hard, maybe genetics, maybe because she's a smaller person? Who knows, but it hit hard.
2 days in the emergency room. 2 days at Methodist hospital. 3 days at U of M Childrens Hospital and, once she was home, a few other bouts, one that led to another ER visit at the U.
She was in serious pain, projectile vomiting and extreme nausea. She didn't eat for 6 days, barely slept, didnt shower and, I suspect doesn't remember much of it.
As someone who loves her beyond measure, it was absolutely heartbreaking to watch and not be able to really do anything to help. And, i suspect we aren't all the way past or though this.
Due to her very real physical pain, her mental health also spiraled with her anxiety escalating, resulting in some panic attacks and inability to calm down. She ripped her IV out and had to be put on a 72 hour hold, locked herself in a bathroom and had a 6 hour rage the on the day she was released.
And, we have been in the process of trying to get her evaluated as we suspect that some of her executive functioning differences are due to her birth mother drinking through her pregnancy (Fetal Alcohol Effect). Part of this is that she has a limited ability to experience delayed gratification (everything needs to be immediate) along with a hard time processing "if I do this...then this happens" and actually execute on it. We think its part of why she's extremely reluctant (refuses to) go to therapy. She doesn't see value in talking through her problems ("I went to therapy 4 times and it didnt help)
So, mix real physical pain with high levels of anxiety and ADHD with executive functioning this not typical and its a living nightmare. For her, for us, for everyone trying to help her.
What to do. Take deep breaths, reach out for help. Try to take it one day at a time. Hope that we make forward progress, even if its baby steps and 2 steps forward and 1 step back. Try to get sleep. Find ways to laugh (addicted to iCarly right now). Find the big picture (pre frontal cortex and executive functioning doesnt fully mature until 25-27 years old). Absolutey enjoy and her celebrate her when she's in her zone and doing what she loves (baking amazing cakes, being with the little kids at work, etc)
Because, in the end, she's worth it. She's an amazing light in this world with incredible talents and potential. We are cheering her on and believe that she will find her path. She is love. She is loved.
